True but thats because hes a fetus.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
