Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
the day after is always just damage control
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
