I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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