We won't sleep together?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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