I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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