His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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