guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
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she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
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Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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