K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
