this beer tastes like vomit already
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
