Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
