To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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