Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize