I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.