I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.