i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.