it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
