Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
