that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
