Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
