I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize