why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
