Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just had sex on a roof
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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