he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
