i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
