Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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