So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
