if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
time to smoke my breakfast
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
