She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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