Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
