I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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