Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
