that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
