tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
