I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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