Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
