I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
