why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize