I'm really into asian looking animals
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
