I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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