They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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