you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
