I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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