That's intense
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
