Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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