It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
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