I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
