I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
