She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
