that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
