I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
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