i think my mom watched the whole time
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
