If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize