I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It was a blind-side dick pic.
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