My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Houston, we have a blender
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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