Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
it was like eating out sand paper
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
