listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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