I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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