Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
