6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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