Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
