I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
